A new opportunity

Yesssss ... just one hour ago I was depressed when I was writing in this blog, but not any more!! Things are looking good.

"Vice" signed on to the chat, and finally I have been able to talk to her. We have a place and a date for our first meeting, which I will not write here. But, you will know the details after we have met.

Our conversation went really well! .. but one thing that I don't like is that she seems to have low self esteem ... could she be so ugly? I don't wan't to believe that would be the reason ... She already met with one other person from RomanceSecreto, but said that it didn't go well... hopefully I will be more of her type.

Whatever happens, soon I will know

P.S. I feel scared!! :-))))

So difficult to move ahead

I haven't had any new activity until this morning ... when I received an email from "Vice" telling me that something that I had said about her work bothered her .. I guess I must have stuck my foot in my mouth at some point .. in any case, I wrote her immediately telling her that it wasn't my intention ... luckily she responded to me pretty quickly to tell me that she wasn't mad at me, and that she still wants to meet me ...

So, I asked Vice to meet me at 11am in the RomanceSecreto chat, but I wasn't able to arrive until 11:20, and she was not there :-( ... luckily she said that it was ok, and that tomorrow is another day. I can't believe it ... I have to talk to her .. somehow, whatever it takes .. I have now installed skyfire in my mobile phone, and with it installed, the RomanceSecreto chat now works on my mobile.. I really need to meet her!

God, I can't believe how I am acting! And maybe later I'll find out that she is lying to me and just playing games .. I really hope that isn't the case ... please, no.

Anyway, there is not really much else to say.. I am still talking with Amy, and I am not surprised that she has a lot of guys lusting after her .. with the things that she tells me .. I still secretly want her, but I will never tell her that I want her .. and in any case, it wouldn't make any difference...

Let's see what happens tomorrow.

Return to Ashley Madison

This is starting to become an obsession .. and it can't continue .. I have to relax. I was just with my wife and obsessing with my mobile phone at every moment that she wasn't watching me... I need to keep telling myself to only access RomanceSecreto when I am not with her, and when there is no possibility of getting caught.... I don't want to lose her..

In RomanceSecreto I sent messages to a few new contacts a few days ago, and I just got a virtual wink sent to me from one of them -- I'll call her "Goosebumps", but for no she still hasn't responded to my message and I can't consider her a contact ... I have sent her a wink as well.

About "Vice", I haven't heard anything about our planned date yet, and with "Tammy", I haven't seen her online since our last chat conversation. .. and "Amy" .. I told her that I would be busy for the next few days, and so I wouldn't be able to talk much with her, but in any case, I could talk a little bit with her tomorrow morning..

I can't wait to hear back from "Vice" .... just to get to know her ... I guess I'll just have to wait a bit longer..

I have decided to give Ashley Madison another chance, given that now I believe that I can tell the fake profiles from the real ones .. the fake ones have profiles that don't say much and that have pictures of unrealistically beautiful women ..

On Ashley Madison I found one woman in my city that seemed to be real, and so I sent her a message ... this is the last chance for Ashley Madison ...we'll see if I get a credible response..

New dates and a chat with "Tammy"

Things are back to "normal" with my wife, and so I have decided that I will continue to try to meet people and to try to live a life that will make me happy -- in other words a life that has some passion and desire, and if it is not with my wife, then it will be with another woman.

I thought that it was impossible that "Amy" (my friend) might have met her true love in RomanceSecreto, but it looks like I might have been mistaken. Even though it seemed that she was making me pass tests .. now , I don't know .. everything is strange. For the moment I will stop being so tied to her .. I need some room to breath. I think that this week, the only time I will talk to her will be just enough to arrange our meeting next week.

Today I responded to "Vice", and we are trying to find a day to be able to meet up next week... I hope that there is no conflict with the dates that "Amy" and I decide on.

Also, I got a surprise response from "Tammy" (the single woman that I initially contacted 4 days ago), and finally we were both on the RomanceSecreto chats at the same time and we were able to have a real time conversation. After our discussions, I am certain that Tammy is much more normal than Amy, even if she does seem timid and shy. I explained things to Tammy about myself, and she gave me advice about my situation ... but she didn't tell me much about herself. At the end of the conversation, I told her that I would like to consider myself a friend of hers, and that if she wants to tell me anything, that I would be available for whatever she would like. ... I am not sure what I would like with her, but for the moment it is better to start as friends and see how things go. Whatever happens, I will continue talking with her...

My current situation

From now on, I will continue writing about anything that is relevant to explain... a kind of summary of what is happening in my life and with the contacts both new and old  that I have made through RomanceSecreto.

For the moment, I still have plans to see Amy, who just switched jobs and is now closer to my work. I have continued to talk with here quite a bit, including my innermost secrets. She knows so much about me that if I were to ask her to guess where I live, she would certainly be able to do it.

I am still in contact with "Vice", who I should be able to meet with in a few weeks (or maybe sooner if she can find a break in her schedule). She is back from holidays, and works as an attendant in a department store... with the tourist season starting, she is quite busy attending that crowds of people coming through the city.

A lesson in passion (from my wife)

Last night, I was tired and ready for bed, and after hours of housework and taking care of the kids I went to bed early.... my wife came later ... and things started to happen ... one kiss, two kisses ... and from there all of my pent-up desires started to release .... frankly, at that moment I felt like I loved her like never before ... and I now feel like I have discovered another side of her - she was truly passionate, to the point of scratching my back with her finger nails as I brought her to the edge and back ... and finally we both crossed the line at the same time ... I feel like I have achieved my objective -- I have rediscovered passion.

After years of ignoring me and rejecting my advances, something in my wife seemed to have changed. I don't know if it is because she is suspicious and worried about losing me, or if she has seen messages on my computer or phone, or what caused her to be so passionate... but if she continues like she was last night, I won't have a need to continue with my search ... but in the meantime, as a backup plan in case my wife reverts back to her normal self, I will continue with the contacts and friends that I have been working on since I started my journey.

A strange message

Just last night I received a strange message that unsettled me a bit ...

Straight to the point, she asked me for the key to see my private photos, and she hopes that I have a great summer full of lots of adventures and sex ..

I responded to her, but only to propose to her that if she want's to get to know me that we can talk, and that these kinds of messages don't seem very authentic .. especially with the deception that I have suffered with some of the contacts that I have had in the past ...

We'll see if she writes to me again .. I doubt it.

Third contact

Now that I have seen some results from RomanceSecreto, I decided to contact with a few more people - and so using the free quota (of two new people per day), I get a response ... excellent! the percentage of responses is going up!

The new person that I responded to will be referred to as "Tammy" ... she is single and seems to be a woman of few words ... I really hope to see her online in one of the group chats so that I can see how she is, and so that she can see how I am ... anyway, step by step and patience, and we'll see how it goes.

Also, I continue to talk with "Amy", and I am still in contact with the other woman that I wrote about a few days ago here, and who I will call "Vice" since she tells me a lot of juicy information about her vices, fantasies, and thoughts. She lives close to me, but is busy for the next few weeks. Hopefully we can meet once she is finished with her summer vacation and obligations.

My suspicious wife

I have continued in contact with "Amy" but only as friends, and she has decided to give 100% of her efforts to trying to get the man that she loves... although ... sometimes I have the impression that the things that she tells me are some kind of a test to see how I react.  I tell her things about me too, but only because she is one of the only people that I can turn to right now.

On another note, at home last night something strange happened .. my wife asked me for a massage .. .and then she started to seduce me ... something that she hadn't done for years ... this was exactly what I had wanted (before) .. but at that very moment I felt different .. with everything that was going on in my life, I had no desire to have sex with my wife .. and so for the first time ever, I rejected an offer ... how strange! ... even though I really didn't feel like having sex, it is also sometimes good to place a value on yourself ..

I have now noticed that when I pick up my phone, or go to the computer, or browse the web, or chat with Amy on WhatsApp, my wife is looking at me in a strange way .. almost out of the corner of her eye, just to see what I am up to. I have now decided to not pickup the phone or to use the computer around her .. I need to be more careful or I am going to get caught.. I have decided that I am only going to connect to RomanceSecreto when my wife is not at home or from my work computer.

My first date with "Amy"

This blog is now getting complicated, and I have decided to use pseudonyms to refer to the people that I am meeting.  The first girl that I wrote about in the last blog will be called "Amy".

Following Amy's instructions, I arrived at the agreed upon spot just after lunch. It took me a second to recognize her, since I didn't expect her to be so attractive ... what a woman! She was as tall as me, and in Spain I am considered tall (although for North America, I am just a bit taller than average) .. the had a huge beautiful smile, luscious lips, and the best of all were her eyes ... I could look at her grey eyes for hours ... I felt a very strong attraction

Amy told me a lot about her ... and I told her a lot about me ... and, I have to say, that I deeply value the conversation that we had ... it was like a therapy for me ... it was a therapy that made me keep dreaming and see things in a different light.

Even though Amy told me that she was enjoying being separated from her husband, there was still something bothering her ... she was involved in a new relationship that was impossible, she is totally in love with the guy, but he doesn't feel the same for her ...we both know that reality can be difficult..

I will definitely stay in contact with Amy, giving her moral support and whatever she needs from me ... I am not sure if I could fall in love with her, since she is unobtainable for me ... But, if one day after being friends with her I do fall in love, I would never tell her.

Amy told me that normally when she meets with men, they want to have sex with her on the first or second date... in my case, there is no doubt that she attracts me, but I refuse to be "that guy" pushing her for sex ... if it were to happen in a spontaneous way or if she asked for it, I am sure I would go for it... but for me to ask her ... never. It is not my style.

Making good progress

I have now connected with two people on RomanceSecreto.

The first person that I am in contact with is a great friend to talk with, she recently separated from her husband and is looking for a serious relationship ...but in the meantime, she said that she is open to having some fun and seeing meeting interesting people ..  In any case, I let her know that I am also open to anything, but above all I value her friendship. She said that sounded good to her, and so we have started communicating on WhatsApp, and things have started moving pretty fast  and we are now have plans for our fist date tomorrow!

The second person that I contacted has been going quite well as well, so well that sometimes I can't even believe that it is real ... She is a woman in the same situation as me (her husband ignores her), and she has told me that for at least the next month it will be impossible for us to meet up due to summer holiday plans .....anyway, I am patient and will wait ... but in the meantime, she has been confessing her "vices" ... I won't write about them in order to protect her ... but ... wow! My imagination has gone wild and my head is spinning... I feel almost scared.. but I like it!

The return to RomanceSecreto

My wife didn't even consider the option that I proposed to her about coming up with a fantasy to try to bring some passion back to our relationship ... and so, once again I found myself returning to RomanceSecreto, with the idea of contacting with anyone, even if it did't lead to anything, at least just to talk and overcome what was happening.After a few more days of sending messages and chatting in the "chat groups", I met a wonderful person, that I believe could become a good friend of mine. I really needed someone to talk with, and it was fantastic to be able to establish a friendship.

On the other hand, one of the people that I contacted a few days ago finally decided to get back to me, just making small talk such as asking me questions about my username and what it signified ...  after the initial messages between us, the messages between her and I started to fly back and forth. It seems that things are looking up...

Testing out Ashley Madison

It seemed that a new world opened for me ... Ashley Madison.

I started to read profiles ... and it seemed incredible! What an amazing selection ... so I started to send winks to the various female profiles, and they started to send messages to me ... but in order to respond to them I had to become a paying member ... So, after receiving several very promising messages from attractive women, I decided to to subscribe for 49 Euros for one month ...

What a waste of money :-( ... After subscribing to Ashley Madison and writing messages to the women that had responded to me, the next responses that they sent to me were brief and totally generic, as if they were generated by a computer .. and after that brief first response, none of the "females" sent me any more messages.... Again, what a huge disappointment. I can't believe that I have been a victim of the same type of scam again, and on top of it, this time it was not cheap.. I think that I am not going to return to Ashley Madison again...

If I was depressed before entering in Ashley Madison, now I am even more depressed ...

I decided to give one more chance to my relationship with my wife, and so as the only viable solution I propose to her that as a way to try to bring back some desire to our relationship, that she invent a fantasy (given that all the fantasies that I proposed to her were rejected). She said that she would think about it ....

Big disappointment

What a letdown!!

The first "single" woman that contacted me turned out to be a "fake profile" -- it has since been removed by the administrators of the website, and now shows a message "Please do not contact or respond to this user, as their goal is to get you to sign up for a paid service". In my case, before the notification appeared on her profile, we started to chat on RomanceSecreto, and later she said that it wasn't working well for her, and that she preferred to talk on MSN, and once we were on MSN, she invited me over to a website to see her "real" profile - but I couldn't do anything on that website without paying for it. :-(

The "prefer not to say relationship status" woman looked like an interesting person, and she too invited me to talk with her on another website .. but this website was pretty bizarre -- full of photos of people dressed as vampires, Gothic, bondage, and other "interesting" stuff ... I started to get a little bit scared, but hey, everyone has their likes and dislikes. So, once we were both in the "vampire" website we started to chat, and she started to tell me (almost ordering me) that I had to leave my wife, and that I was a selfish, inconsiderate coward for what I was trying to do ... I guess that something must have happened to her at some point with a married man either in RomanceSecreto or in the "vampire" site, and she took out her anger on me ...

So, I have been let down by both of the contacts that I had previously been so excited about ... Based on this experience, I am starting to feel truly depressed, and starting to think that I will never be able to find myself a lover.  I think that I might set RomanceSecreto aside for a while, and check out AshleyMadison.

First responses

After a few days registered on RomanceSecreto.com and contacting two new women per day, I finally have "contact" with two women to show for my efforts. The first woman has not indicated her relationship status ("prefer not to say") and the second woman is single. The second woman contacted me first. We are off to a slow start, but this is better than nothing, and is really the only option that I see for someone in my situation.

I really hope that this works out ... 

First impressions and initial setup of my profile

One of the first things that I had to do after registering for RomanceSecreto was to fill out my profile. While it is not necessary to enter in any additional information more than the very basic information required to register, the site recommends very strongly that each user write a description about themselves and place photos on their profile. It seems logical that if I want to maximize the results from my efforts, that it is a good idea to create a good impression of myself through my profile. It also seems that profiles that are more complete show up higher in the search results.

So, I have entered in a two paragraph description of myself, including my situation, what I am looking for, how I feel, etc. (very similar to what I wrote in the last blog). I have also placed some public photos with my face blurred and some photos of trees and other stuff that I find interesting, as well as some private photos in which my face is visible, but only to people that I authorize to view my private photos.

As a free user of RomanceSecreto.com, I am allowed to send messages to two new people per day (people that I have already sent messages to don't count in this limit), as well as to  invite up to 5 people to be "chat friends" (these are people that you can chat with one-on-one using the RomanceSecreto chat functionality - similar to Facebook chat), as well as to send as many free winks and kisses to as many people as I like. The site claims that the limits on the number of messages per day are in place to prevent Spam messages from being sent, but I suspect that it is just a ploy to get people to move up to a VIP registration after testing out the site. In addition to the above forms of contacting people, there are also free group chats available, that usually have between 10 and 20 people joined in each group, and around five to 10 people actively chatting (in Spanish generally - my Spanish is quite good) at any given time. In the chat groups if you click on the username of each person, you will be shown their profile - which is a great way of seeing each person that you are talking with.

One interesting aspect of RomanceSecreto is that people can mark their photos as "private" which means that it is necessary to request a key from that person in order to see the pictures that they have marked as private. How do I ask for a key? -- I have to send them a message, talk to them in a private chat, or ask them in a group chat - and literally say to them "hey, can you send me your key?". If they agree, then they can then view my profile and click on a key symbol (thereby giving me a key), which means that the next time that I view their profile, I will automatically be shown their private photos.

I have now sent messages to two different women, whom appeared that I might have a mutual attraction, and I am now waiting for responses ....  the adventure begins.

Starting to look for a lover

This is my first blog in spite of the fact that I have been working in the computer and internet industry for the past 10 years. I suppose that I am writing a blog because this is the first time that I have felt a need to write down what I am thinking and doing -- maybe it is because this is the only way that I can talk about what is happening in my life, since there is no one that I can talk to about what (I hope) I am about to do. I don't know if anyone will read this, but that is not really what is important to me, this blog is my therapy.

I am an American originally from the mid-west who has been living in Spain for the past more or less 10 years (I don't want to be too specific about myself, or I might give myself away!) and I have a Spanish wife, with whom I have children. Because of the children I am not ready to leave my wife, although I don't discount this possibility in the future.

I have finally given up on trying to make things work, since it is abundantly clear to me that my wife has no desire to work with me to make our relationship function. I am tired of being considered little more than a nanny for our children, and after being rejected by my wife time after time, I have finally decided to try to find myself a lover. I want to rediscover that desire that I used to feel for my wife, but now with another woman, and to feel what it feels like to be desired again. This is not only about sex -- there are "professionals" for that kind of thing, but they would not provide me with what I am looking for.

Please don't judge me or call me selfish and insensitive and a coward -- I have made my decision, and I am moving forward with it.

I started my search by using Google to find websites dedicated to people in my situation. I quickly found several sites that are available in English and Spanish, and that seem to have lots of users in Spain. I started with one called beNaughty that looked good, but turns out to be a scam - basically full of false contacts that send you messages that you have to pay to respond to. Just afterwards, I found AshleyMadison and RomanceSecreto. The first seems to have lots of references, and the second is totally free. I have decided to start with RomanceSecreto, and that is where we start the story.... I'll keep you posted on how things go

Lonely Marco